Dearest Ramon,
Happy two and a half! Yay! Actually, you turned 2.5 a week ago. I was well aware of the day, I just couldn't sit down to write to you until today. Actually, I've been composing this letter in my head for months. Every time I have to sit outside your door while you threw a tantrum, every time you flop yourself on the floor screaming NOOO!, every time you refuse to eat/bathe/sleep/change clothes, in my head, "this is so going in your two-and-a-half letter". Hahaha! Sorry it took this long for me to actually write it.
Now that you're two and six months, logically you would be right in the middle of your terribleness. But actually, you peaked a few months ago when your current Yaya was new. I'm so thankful she stuck it out, because I know that had we changed Yaya on you again, you would just go through the whole terribleness all over again. Now you're easier to reason with, and no longer refuse to eat/sleep/bathe every single day. Just sometimes na lang, and everyone is getting used to it, including you. But you're pretty smart, cause you know you can't keep fighting against me or Daddy. You stop crying and comply much quicker now. Oh but when Lola Cora is around, you can go on for ages. Your poor yaya Miraluna is at wits end sometimes. Good thing you make up for it by making her play the iPad and the Wii everyday. Good thing she enjoys playing games with/for you.
Of course I'm not saying you're a horrible toddler. Youi're not. You're actually pretty awesome! We don't have to watch you too carefully, cause you don't have the destructive gene the Lapid boys have. I can leave or not mind you for quite a while knowing you won't climb any curtains or break anything valuable. You eat well, once you get started, at least. The prying you away from the iPad is the difficult part of every meal. But once you've been strapped to your chair, you will pretty much eat anything that's set in front of you and all of it too. You're super sweet, you like to hug and kiss and make pa-cute. Everyone in Katipunan and St. Ignatius completely adore your antics. Once, in St. Ig, when we were about to leave, I told you to go kiss Nana. You headed for her usual seat, the rocking chair, and I guess you were embarrassed to see that Nana wasn't sitting there. But you kissed Jimo anyway. And I said, no, that's not Nana, go kiss Nana. And you pointed at one of my cousins and said "This one?" And everyone laughed. You pointed at nearly everyone in the room except Nana. Even when I pushed you right in front of her, you looked at her and then spun around and pointed at someone else saying "This one?" You are hilarious! At less than 3 years old, you know how to work a crowd.
Which is why your RaMonster side really frustrates me. How can a happy, funny, bright kid like you also be so difficult? Was it because I was the least strict with you? Is it because we all dote on you so much that you get away with stuff your sisters wouldn't have at your age? Did I spoil you? Maybe. Maybe part of it is my still treating you like a baby (cause you are!). When your sisters were your age, I had newborns too, so had to treat them like bigger kids. You're the youngest, so maybe I treat you more like a baby. But there are probably other factors, like the fact that you've already had 4 yayas in your 2 years of life. Your Ates always had the same yaya at least until they are 2. And Luis has had the same Yaya all his life. Perhaps these changes have affected your tendency to challenge authority, because your primary care giver keeps changing. But also I think another big factor is your innate and natural stubbornness. You just have to have your way. You HAVE TO. Or, if you have to obey me or your yaya, you will only do it on your own terms. Like, "fine, I will eat, but only from the orange plate." Or "ok, I will go to bed now. But only after you carry me piggy back to my room." Everyday, getting you to do stuff is a negotiation. It's exhausting. Especially when you can't seem to find terms that are acceptable to you. "It's time to sleep" "NO!" "How about you drink your milk?" "NO!" "How about sleeping socks?" "NO!" "How about ride Mommy's back?" "NO!" The list of bribes can go on until we are all at our wits end what will get you to go eat/sleep/bathe. Sometimes we just have to let you cry it out until you're so tired, you fall asleep. Really Ramon, sometimes the sleepier you are, the harder it is to convince you to go to bed. By the way, we had this exact sleeping fight, just last Saturday night, at 10PM.
This photo was taken when you threw a fit because I wouldn't let you sit in my lap while I drove the car. I have another one of you lying on the bathroom floor screaming your head off. I must admit every time I look at that photo it makes me laugh. And I was sorely sorely tempted to post it on the internet. However, surprising as this may sound to you and your sisters, there are limits to my oversharing. And apparently, photos of bathroom floor tantrums cross the line.
Don't get me wrong, Ramon, your crazy stubbornness is not such a bad thing. That is to say, it's bad now, cause how can daily crying before every meal be good? But your Dad believes that this insistence on having things your way or on your own terms means you have character, you have pride, and you will have the will to succeed in life. I tell myself that at your age, your Ninang Tina had even worse tantrums and even crazier stubbornness, and look at her now, with her Stanford degree, working in Apple as an engineer. So we're both ok with the daily battles. Basta you're super successful like your Ninang Tina. And also, the crying pictures make us laugh, so ok lang, iyak ka pa. Haha.
And yes, none of this crying and wailing can nor ever will negate the fact that you are my dear and darling boy. We still spend every morning together, while your Ates are in school, hanging out. Usually, you make me play a game on the iPad which you like to watch. Or you make me watch you play. Sometimes we wrestle, and tumble. You invented this game wherein you wrestle with pillows, either falling off a pile of them, or toppling one that I hold standing. It is really fun to play with you and be with you. Daddy keeps teasing me that I'm keeping you at home for my own self, and don't want to send you to school yet cause you're my baby. Well, you are my baby! But also I've always preferred my kids start school later rather than early so that they're already potty trained an polite when they go out into the world. And you, even if we never made you watch those Baby Einstein videos and I never drilled the nursery rhymes to you everyday (I did these things with your sisters), you still, at two and a half, know all your letters (confusing M, N and W is acceptable at your age, I think), you can count to 14 before getting confused, you know your shapes, and you know your colors (sometimes). Plus of course you are very much most adept at the iPad. You do puzzles, and alphabets, you taught Lola Vinchu how to play Big Big Castle, and now she's hooked. You taught your Yaya how to play Tiny Defense for you. Sometimes I worry that you spend too much time on the iPad and not enough time running around outdoors or learning. But your Daddy says by the time you go to school, you will be learning from a tablet, and not from books, so by our encouraging your skill on the iPad, we're giving you a leg up in school. Really. Well, I hope so.
The night after you turned 2 and a half, you Yaya went on day off, and so you slept with us in our room. We put two mattresses on the floor because the last time you slept in our room, you woke up every time I left your side to sleep on the bed with Daddy. This time we know, I have to stay beside you and hold you until you fall asleep. And you comfort yourself in the middle of the night by holding on to me as well. You may be getting bigger everyday, and you certainly have a mind of your own, but at the literal end of the day, you really are still my baby, snuggled up to me, needing me to be there for him, just like when you were tiny and helpless and nourished solely on my milk. This is not forever, I know. Someday you will be a man, bigger than me, maybe smarter than me, hopefully, better than me. So I hold on to these moments with you, as a small boy, clinging to me in the middle of the night, even if I can't sleep, because I love you and you are mine.
And I can embarrass you with stories like these to your future girlfriends.
This photo is kind of cheating because it was taken after you had turned 2 and a half. But how can I not post this? It belongs on the cover of a magazine! We went shopping for this suit and you threw a tantrum in SM because you didn't want to fit any clothes. I was so thankful you agreed to wear it on the day itself. You were stunning! Too bad we weren't able to get a photo of you in the jacket. It was too big pa kasi.
I love you so much, my Ramomomo. Everyday, I fall in love with you all over again. Perhaps we will wage this war of wills for the rest of our lives, me, exerting my authority over you, and you, doing your best to rebel. But that's ok, It's a mother's job to mold her children, and I love you so much, I want you to grow up to be the best man you can be, stubbornness and all.
Love, Mommy
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