Month 1

I am a big fan of dooce.com and because imitation is the highest form of flattery, I will write monthly letters to my daughter on the internet just as she has. (her daughter is nearly 2 years old by now, and she's still doing the monthly thing.)

Dear Lia,

I can't believe it's been a month. A month since the excruciating labor, the delivery I don't remember anything of, getting doped with morphine, and meeting you for the first time. Lia love. I couldn't have asked for a better, more beautiful, more perfect baby. Although the first couple of nights in the hospital when you'd cry so painfully and we couldn't figure out why, it had crossed my mind to complain at the nursery, "There's something wrong with this one, can we have another?" that's my weakness, not your flaw.



In the first couple of weeks after we got home, mostly what you did was sleep. You would wake up crying, and we see that your diaper needs changing, after that you feed, and then you'd be right back to sleep even before you finish feeding. Sometimes you pooped or peed while feeding, sometimes I think you're sleeping, feeding and pooping all at once. In the first few days of your life, you had perfected the most essential of human bodily functions you can perform them all at once. You will grow up to be a great multi-tasker indeed.

During this time of 20 hour a day sleep, people would come over to the house just to watch you sleep. If I sold tickets, it would have paid for your diapers. I myself love watching you sleep. Especially after you had just fed in the mornings. Because you make these faces, each one makes me fall in love with you all over again every day. Little half smiles, kissy-faces, the occasional toothless grin make me excited for the day you actually do smile and make faces on purpose. But for now, I would train the camera on your sleeping face in the hopes of capturing your adorable little expressions.



Now you're awake more often. Usually after bath in the morning, and in late afternoons. Your grandparents and other relatives are delighted in your waking moments, they try to catch you during these times. Me, I'm usually there when you're awake and everytime I see those pretty little eyes of yours, I wonder at how beautiful they are. And then I hope you go back to sleep so that I can rest from having had to get up to feed you several times the night before.

In the past month, you have grown so much, from the tiny wrinkly thing when you were born, your cheeks have filled up, your neck has disappeared under your adorable double chin, and your arms and legs have acquired dimples from filling out with flesh. You've grown so fast, your Daddy would say "I think she's bigger again!" sometimes several times a day. The other day, we lay you on your tummy and you held your head up on your own! You're such a strong super baby you'll be crawling and giving your Daddy heart attacks in no time.



But you're not the only one who's grown. Your Daddy has become the expert nappy changer. It's like a game you play each day as he deals with your diapers, he wonders if you've really done doing your business while you manage to poop and pee in his hands, one time, fart in his face while he's changing you. So far, unless he's too groggy from having to get up in the middle of the night, or you're being fussy and screaming to the top of your lungs, it's a game your Daddy actually enjoys. I'm so proud of him and feel so blessed that he helps so much in taking care of you. He loves you very very much.

People said you looked like me when you were born. Now that you've filled out, they're saying you look like your Daddy. To me, your resemblance to your Dad is unmistakable. You have a double chin like your Daddy, you sleep with your mouth open (sometimes with your tongue out) like your Daddy and you fart aloud and with feelings like your Daddy. We can't wait to tell you that when you're older.

Today to celebrate your having lived one whole month in the real world, we painted your feet and put your footprints on your baby book. You were very cool about it, and did not complain at all.



One month. In one month, you've totally transformed my life into one that is truly for another human being. You. I feed you, I bathe you, I can only sleep when you do, and it's tiring sometimes, but also, in a way, I feel like I've been preparing all my life to be your mommy. I have discovered wells of patience I never knew I had, and a capacity to give I didn't think I had in me. I love you Lia, made of love, my little miracle. I'm excited to see you grow up, but baby, please don't grow up too fast.

I love you forever, no matter what.

Mommy