Month 16

Dear Ramon,

Happy 16 months! My oh my oh my oh my. To me it feels like you smooshed all the development you were supposed to be working at in the past 6 months into the last two weeks! You went from helpless little creepy crawler to full fledged toddler in the span of a month. And in the past two weeks, from 1-2 steps at a time to walking all around the 4th floor of Asian Hospital. Huwaaaat?! Where did my baby go? You're SO BIG NA!



Yesterday you were in a Ferrari shirt, jeans and rubber shoes and I was like, where is my baby? Not a baby anymore? And then you fell on your butt and started rolling around in the waiting room. Ok. Still a baby. You cried when you got your MMR shot. Still a baby. But not too much. Just a short protest. So definitely growing up. Ah well. What's the point in wishing you would be a baby forever? You WILL BE my baby forever! As all parents in the world, including your lolos and lolas, know, all our children will always be our babies forever. And now I have to switch myself from doting mommy mode to disciplining mommy mode. The time for spoiledness is over! In other words, bilang na ang maliligayang araw mo. You see the reason your ates do everything I say is cause I show them who's boss quite early. It occurs to me that I'm starting you with this life lesson a bit late. And this will explain why if you fall and slightly bump your head, I will not rush to pick you up because you shouldn't cry unless it REALLY hurts. Also, you do not get to play with scissors even if you cry for 20 minutes. Even and hour. EVEN A DAY! Get over it. That's rule #2. We do not cry to get what we want. Know it. Live it.



So. I mentioned that you grew up really fast this past month. Your 15 month was pretty much devoted to climbing. Beds, couches, chairs and tables. At least the ones that were low enough for you to reach. You tried to climb the step ladder, but hey, you're still littler than us, little man. We can still keep you from maiming yourself. However, I did realize that you need to move around and go up and down and if that was more interesting to you than walking, so be it! So one Saturday, Lola took the girls to a party, and I took you to Gymboree for a special Mommy-Ramon gimmick, just the two of us (and Yaya Marife) and you loved it! You didn't smile or laugh much. In the tradition of your Ates, you were very much the serious fun baby boy. However, I knew you loved it cause you climbed and fell and shot basketballs, and crawled through tubes (your Ates never ever liked doing that), and rolled around, and climbed again and got down again. I guess it was really fun for you to be out and without your sisters for once. We should really do special little boy gimmicks together more often. I have to do it now, while I still can, cause I have a feeling when you're a bit older, you won't want to go out just with me anymore. Haha!



By the way, this belat face of yours is getting to be a habit. It is SO LIKE YO DADDY! Grabe! You stick your tongue our all the time! As if your striking resemblance with him were not enough, turns out mannerisms are inherited too? Your Daddy sticks out his tongue all the time as well, mostly when he doesn't realize it (like when he's asleep) and when you do it, it just reminds me SO MUCH of him. You know Ramon, when you were still in my tummy, I prayed to God that you would be just like your Daddy. That you look like him, and like the same things he does. Sports, cars, music, sci-fi and fantasy, anime, even Magic the Gathering. So that he has someone in the family he can share all these interests with. I think God answered my prayers. And the sign that I received that this is true, is how you stick out your tongue all the time. Love it.



As I was saying, you were concentrating on climbing, when suddenly you figured out that you CAN take one or two steps on your own, and that when you do, everyone around you erupts in happy yells and clapping. Before you'd only try to walk if there was no one around to pick you up and bring you to wherever you wanted to go. I guess you realized there could be something to this walking thing. So one to two steps became across the room, and then down the hall, and then trying to keep up with your Ates and Kuya, and then yesterday at the hospital, not caring about strangers, giving your Yaya a run for her money, all over the waiting area of the 4th floor. And in St. Ignatius last Sunday, toddling around and around Nana's sala while everyone was praying. Hay naku, how could I stop you? Walking around seems to give you so much joy. It reminds me that walking itself is the point of the activity. Not the getting from one place to another. I am so proud of you. And I think you are also quite proud of yourself.



You are such a happy boy! And growing in leaps and bounds. Just this evening, you've begun to repeat after the ABC flashcards app on the iPad. I could have sword I heard you say "A! Apuh!" (Apple) I may just have to shell out for the paid version if you keep this up. Cause I try to engage you with toys. You ignore me and play with a plastic bag. I try to sing nursery rhymes to you, but you grab the remote controls and turn on the TV (yup, you can do this. but I think it's more luck rather than actually knowing how). But somehow, you love the iPad and you listen to it, and play Baby Piano on it, and you like to swipe around the different letters and repeat the words you can say. You said "Apuh!" but you just frowned at "Alligator".



My sweet and handsome baby Ramon. Who is now officially a Toddler and no longer and infant, you are my joy, my dearest love. Sometimes when we're together, I just stare at your face in awe at how much I love you and how wonderful you are. I also often feel guilty about how much more I could be doing for you, how much better a mother I could be to you, how I ought to devote more time and energy in interacting with you and engaging you, and being with you and loving you. How maybe I'm not really doing my best by you, how perhaps I could put a little more effort into being the best mother I can be, the mother you deserve. And so I am declaring on this blog that right now, I shall set aside my guilt and simply do better. You are my son. How I raise you will shape the man you will become. And I commit myself the the good, upstanding, wonderful person you will be, a Filipino who loves his country, who is tolerant, respectful, faithful and caring, and dedicated to serve the most marginalized of our people. And so I will be a part of the answer to my own prayer. That you become just like your Daddy.



I am here for you always. Even (especially) when you don't want me around.


Love,
Mommy