Month 2

Dear Ramon,

Happy two months! You have done a LOT of growing this past month! It seems everyday I look at you and I wonder at how much bigger you are. And what have you been eating to get so big? And then I remember that I haven't slept for more than 4 hours at a time because you've been nursing so much, and how I've had to take malunggay pills three times a day just to keep up with your appetite and I know that you're growing so big because you and me, we've been working on it together.



Mommy has really horrendous eyebags and bad skin and frequent headaches from the lack of sleep. And I tend to complain about it to Twitter and Facebook now and then. But the truth is I just have to look at how much you've grown and you are more than worth it. Also all the nursing has allowed me to fit into one of my pre-pregnancy jeans already. In less than two months after giving birth! That's got to be a world record! Sure, I need the help of some tight spanx-type undies, but still, you and me, we're a team. I'm getting thinner, you're getting bigger. Go team! *apir!*



The most significant event of this past month was your circumcision. I wrote about it already here, how you cried bloody fire and brimstone hell at being cleaned, and slept through the actual snipping. What I hadn't written about were the days after, when I had to clean you with hydrogen peroxide and you would CRY like I was cutting off your fingers and it would break my heart, but I did my best to block out your cries because there was no one else to do this for you. Daddy could only take tiny peeks at your little pututoy and he would cringe in memory of the pain he once felt when he was circumcised, so no, he couldn't stand to even change you for the first week (although I suspect it was a ploy to get out of diaper duty). And your Yaya Fe is too soft hearted, and dotes on you so much, she might prefer to die than cause you pain. Me, I'm your mommy, but I'm also your mother, and I believe in tough love. You may be a baby boy now, but someday you will be a man, and pain is just something you'll have to learn to suck up. Also, I know if I don't keep your wound clean, you might get an infection and that's just more pain and more torture and more crying for everyone all around. Thankfully, after maybe 3-4 days, even if your penis still looked kind of gross, you weren't crying anymore when you were being cleaned and a few days after that, Daddy could stand to change you na again.



So, let this be a lesson for you. Life is hard. Sometimes you will have to endure pain and suffering. There may be parents out there who want to shield their kids from all the pain in the world. I want to be the kind of parent who will allow you to go through misery but will be strong for you to see you through until it is over. And it will be through experiences like these that you will grow and be strong and be better equipped when bigger and worse trials come along.

You might ask though, if I truly feel that pain builds character, why you were circumcised as a baby when you can't remember the ordeal? Rather than when you hit puberty and you can actually go through the whole coming of age trial thing? Well, the decision to circumcise you early came from your Daddy (and he wasn't even at your circumcision). So he may be the one who will do his best to make life as easy and pain-free as possible. Hm. Ah well.



You're not only getting bigger, you're also much stronger. If I carry you on my shoulder, or lie you on your tummy, you can already lift your head! It's still a little doddery, so I haven't put you in the bumbo yet, but I think if we keep you exercising, you'll be able to hold your head up on your own. When you sleep beside me, and wake up to nurse, you don't really cry to get fed, you wake me up by punching or kicking me. It's not painful yet, but you're strong enough to wake me. I do my best to make you sleep in your crib for at least half the night. And when you're in the crib, that's when you have to cry to get Daddy or me to transfer you to the big bed. And your cries are pretty strong too.



There is something I noticed, even on your first month, the funny smell from the top of your head. I noticed because your two Ates, when they were babies, always always smelled like baby soap or shampoo, so fresh and lovely. You, even just an hour or so after your bath, and the sides and back of your head still smells like Johnson's Baby Bath, the top of your head already smells... funny. A little like sweat, a little like sunshine (amoy araw?), a teeny pinch like feet, and a little bit like baby. Just, lovely new baby smell, mixed in with the rest of the peculiar odor. I LOVE IT. I think I'm addicted to the smell of your head. When I'm tired and cranky and headachey and just generally down, I would bury my nose in your hair and instantly feel better. It must be a Mommy-Baby hormone thing, but the funny smell from the top of your head is my drug of choice. If I could bottle it, I think it could cure post-partum depression. Of course this could mean that you inherited "smelly head". On my side of the famiy, we have a few members (Tito Carlo, Tito Chicho...) who have it, and without going into details, let's just say no one wants to share pillows with them. And you KNOW which pillows are theirs. Maybe the smell from your head will be yucky later on, when you actually eat food other than just breastmilk. But for now, I love your baby head smell! LOVE!



You are two months now, and just in time, you've learned to smile! You've been smiling for weeks now, but they're so brief, and so unexpected that I haven't been able to capture any of your goofy grins. Until today! The day you turned 2 months! I would have been so disappointed to not have a smile for your Month 2 entry because I so want the rest of the world to see how drop dead gorgeous you are when you smile. And for some reason, after frowning at me for shoving a big black camera in your face, you humored me with one big super quirky smile, I just fell in love with you all over again. Thank you for this photo Ramon! I hope you smile at the camera all the time for the rest of your life. That would make blogging about you so much easier!

I love you so much, my Ramo-moe-moe-moe! My baby boy, binata na dahil na-tuli na. Raising you will be such an adventure. I can't wait to see what you have in store for us.


Love, Mommy